I "sleep trained" my son and I'm still a good mom

Its no surprise that there is a wide range of "mom-guilt" that first time moms feel.  We put a lot of it on ourselves unnecessarily, but recently, especially with the rise of social media, we are made to feel bad or guilty by other moms.  With phrases like, "Attachment Parenting" or "cry-it-out", moms are made to feel that parenting is black and white, you are either good or bad.  The thing is, the world doesn't work this way, including in parenting.  There are a million different ways to raise a child, and most of the time the kid still turns out okay.  Every kid is different and every parent-child relationship is different, so really there is nothing to feel bad about if you aren't parenting your child the same way someone else is.

I made a lot of declarations before I became a mom, things I would or wouldn't do with my baby.  Things that would make me the greatest mom, or make my kid the most perfect.  I'm not even 6 months in and a lot of those declarations have gone to shit.  I said my baby would never watch TV, but when its an hour away from bed time and i'm trying to make dinner and absolutely nothing is making Jackson happy, baby videos it is.  I swore I would make a baby book and write down all his milestones to keep track and have this beautiful memory of his first year.  So far all i've got is a ton a pictures and videos on my cell phone.  So I don't have a scrap book page for the first time he smiled or rolled over, I was still there, I don't remember the date but I remember it happening and it was perfect, because it was my baby that did it.

I breastfeed my baby because its good for him, and me, and luckily I was able to.  Do I think other people should try breastfeeding? Sure.  Do I care if you give your kid formula, whatever the reason? Nope.  If you want to breastfeed your 3 year old all day in public, go for it.  Personally, i've set a flexible finish line at Jackson's first birthday at which point he will get weaned, and I will get my body back.  And if you have an opinion about that i'd ask you to kindly keep it to yourself.  Because its a decision that each mother gets to make depending on what is best for her and her child.

So now onto the topic of sleep training.  Honestly I was terrified to even say the words out loud for fear of being judged by other moms or women that aren't moms and just have strong opinions.  But we came home from vacation and my wonderful little baby started waking up 5 or 6 times a night, mostly just to use me as a pacifier.  I knew he wasn't actually hungry because he had been waking up just once a night to eat for almost 2 months and was doing great.  So I started losing a lot of sleep, and my patience got lost right along with it.  Not only was he waking up a ton at night, he was fighting me for naps.  I was starting to resent this beautiful little baby and I was becoming a mother I couldn't let myself be.  So I started researching.  I couldn't imagine letting my baby cry-it-out, it seemed cruel for both of us.  But because I didn't know enough about sleep-training a baby, I didn't realize that wasn't my only option.  I needed to find a way for Jack to continue sleeping in his own bed, sleep longer and be able to fall back to sleep without nursing.  So I found the book The Happy Sleeper and it gave me another option.  Mostly though it gave me an education about babies sleep abilities and support, which I hadn't realized I needed.  There is some crying involved, because you're changing the way your child is used to falling asleep, but there are no feelings of abandonment.  The first night was rough, but he only woke up 3 times, so there was progress.  Night two it only took him 10 minutes to fall asleep, he woke up once to eat, and then woke up in the morning, happy and well rested.  And I was well rested, and could be the mom I actually wanted to be.  So why did I still feel guilty?  When I talked to people about how we were sleep training our son, I would literally tense up for fear of being judged.  Which, when I think about it now is slightly insane.  This is what is working for our family, and it has literally made me and my baby happier, it has made me a better mom.  And I know that, so why does it matter what other people think?

Being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job, harder then I ever thought it would be.  Why are we making it harder on ourselves?  My new declaration is to stop comparing myself to other moms, to stop letting myself feel judged, and to judge less. My family is happy and healthy and I will continue to do what I think is best for us to keep us that way.  There's a Johnsons baby commercial that gets me every time, the one that says "you're doing okay mom". For me and for all the other first time moms navigating this scary world of parenting, you're doing great, mom.

Toes and Teeth and No Sleep

Jackson is 5 months old! I cannot believe how fast time is flying by.  I'm sure i've said it before(and will say it again), but this is my favorite age! Well parts of it anyway.  He is such a happy little boy! Smiling and laughing like crazy, recognizing people more and playing with everything.  He wants to grab absolutely everything, and then put it directly in his mouth, then throw it on the ground and start all over again.  He has discovered that his toes can go in his mouth as well, and he loves having his feet tickled.  He loves kisses, which is good because he gets about a million a day, and laughs like crazy when you give his belly raspberries. He holds on to our arms or shirts when we carry him around and he's starting to try and do little baby crunches to pull himself up to sit.  He "talks" constantly, always yelling and making noise.  we're going to be in trouble when he actually learns to speak. I don't know how its possible but i'm still falling more in love with my little guy every day.

The not so great parts about this 5 month milestone is that Jack is teething!  Its such a mystery to figure out what is going on in that little body of his and how to make him feel better.  But when he started chomping on fingers and crying like a dolphin, we figured it out!  Thank god for tylenol to get us through our sailing trip in the Caribbean! Also up next for us is sleep training.  After months of him only waking up once a night or not at all, he has started waking up 3 and 4 times a night.  He only wants to nurse to fall asleep and his napping is all messed up.  I don't blame him after traveling all over for 2 weeks and having his schedule all screwed up.  I've started researching sleep training methods, because i'm just not sure I can handle listening to him cry it out.  I know everyone has an opinion on how to get a baby to self-soothe, and i'm still working on mine.  We'll just have to see what works for us because we definitely both need more sleep!

I'm also spending the next few weeks reading up on making baby food! Next month we will talk to the doctor and then start on trying some different foods! I can't wait to see how Jackson will react to his first tastes of fruits and vegetables and i'm really excited to get to make them myself.  So its a month of learning and growing in the Blinn house and we are having a great time with (mostly) all of it!