mommy-ing aint easy

Have you ever had one of those days, as a mom or at work, at school or home, where you just wanted to run screaming from the building and go hide somewhere by yourself for a while? Where your kid, or your boss, teacher or parent won't leave you alone, and you feel like you can't do anything right?  At home I would hide in my room or go for a drive, in college I would skip a class, at work I would take a walk or a personal day.  But as a mom?  You don't have those options.

I've always know I wanted to be a mom and as I got older I hoped I would get the chance to be a stay at home mom for a while.  I wanted to be there for all the little things, I wanted to drive kids to school and sports and be there at the end of the day to do pick up and snack and homework. My mom had a job that allowed her to be home with me during the week when I was little and I couldn't imagine doing anything else with my own children.  But man, some days I honestly think I am not cut out for this. Which probably isn't what i'm supposed to say, but its the truth.

Don't get me wrong, I of course adore my child, and I wouldn't trade these last two and a half years with him.  I have gotten to witness all of his major milestones, I know everything he likes and doesn't like, I know his capabilities, things he needs to work on, his routines, and every single detail of every single day.  And some days, even just writing that sentence is exhausting.  I would be sad if I didn't know any one of those things, but with those things also comes the tantrums, and the testing of limits, the tears and the 743 requests for tv shows or snacks.  There are the days when we don't get to shower or eat a full meal because you have a small child literally attached to you all day having a meltdown every five minutes and needing more attention than you can give.

I'm saying, its ok! Moms are SO hard on themselves sometimes, an unfortunately hard on other moms too.  Stop that.  We're all doing the best we can and we need support not more judgment, I promise we are already second guessing everything we do.

So here's to you momma.  The mom who hasn't showered or put on a bra.  The mom who fed her kid packaged food all day because they refused anything else.  Heres to the mom who left the tv on all day, or who hid in the bathroom a little too long.  To the mom who called her friends and dragged the kids to the park so she could half ignore them while she had an adult conversation.  Heres to the moms that have it all together, wearing make up and clean clothes and eating organic everything.  And heres to the moms who haven't brushed their teeth.  Here's to the fun moms and the neurotic moms, the anxious moms, and the moms who feel like they're failing.  You are all beautiful, powerful, incredible women.  You're doing the best you can for your kid and I promise, they love you for it.

Minimal-ish: Getting Started

I got started on my road to minimalism for lots of different reasons, the biggest were my overall feeling of clutter, chaos, and dissatisfaction with my house.  It's been a slow process over the last year or so, and I honestly didn't know what minimalism was when I started.  I started trying to create more organized areas in my house, and doing more organized things in my life; creating a "command center" meal planning and keeping track of activities on a big wall calendar.  But none of it made a huge difference, probably because I was just moving stuff around instead of doing what I really needed to, which was getting rid of stuff!  Around the same time my friend mentioned minimalism to me, and a light bulb went off.  I started researching, and following lots of different blogs and Facebook pages, I pinterested the crap out of various organization guides, and finally I dug in.

I went room by room and started purging.  I found a 6 week calendar that gave me an accessible way to tackle the challenge of decluttering my house.  This first sweep through each room was so motivating and invigorating! Who would have thought getting rid of stuff could be so awesome!  The kitchen/panty was where I saw the biggest difference right away.  My shelves and drawers were so much cleaner. I could see everything I needed and used on a regular basis and so much of the clutter was gone.  I have done a second and third purge of almost every area in my house since that first time, and now i'm realizing how easy it is for me to see something, recognize that I haven't used it in months and let it go.

After I went through the initial purge, that friend, Camille (The Burley Tribe) told me about a documentary by The Minimalists that took my views on minimalism one step further.  It made me think about all the things we buy, and all the things we throw away, and how little we think about those actions.  It made me realize that very few of my physical possessions bring me any real or lasting happiness, and that I should take that knowledge and live my life accordingly.  Its an incredible documentary and I highly recommend it!

So now where am I? I hit a wall recently where a lot of my motivation seemed to have left me.  I was feeling slightly defeated because I still thought the house was so full, and we still seemed to be spending money on things I wasn't sure were bringing us happiness.  And so I didn't think about it for a while.  Then magically, my husband cleared out a huge bag of his clothes, and somehow that restored my inspiration.  Also for the first time, I didn't go back through his clothes and try to convince him to keep things (a huge downfall for us).  And then I went through some of my clothes, and tried things on and was honest with myself about what I actually liked, and what I was keeping "just in case" or because I thought it held monetary value.  But the thing I like so much about minimalism is finding that value of things that aren't actually things.  Finding the time and the space and the energy that I have because i'm not cleaning or organizing or fighting with the clutter of things that aren't actually making me happy.

Sometimes minimalism can seem confining almost, that I cannot be a minimalist because I don't fit into a certain mold with bare rooms and a certain small number of possessions.  One of the things The Minimalists say is that "minimalism looks different for everyone" and I'm finding that to be true. Really i'm more in search of simplicity than minimalism, or authenticity; authentic simplicity. Trying to find real happiness and joy and purpose in my life and I know that I won't find it in any of my things, but in the people and experiences I allow myself to see and have when I clear out the clutter.

Resolutions: 6 months later

I set some big goals for myself and our family at the beginning of the year (which I talked about in my first post back to the blog). I wanted to check in, with myself mostly, about where I was with the goals I had set and how I feel the year is going.  Its crazy that it's June already and in about 4 months we will be heading home! June also marks Jackson's half birthday, which is kind of a big deal when they're so little.  He seems like a totally different person than 6 months ago!  Mostly I feel pretty good about where I am with my goals for the year, but i've still got room for improvement.

Goal: Camper and spending more time outside as a family: Done and Done! Bu this one is definitely something that will be continued.  It will especially take work now that summer has arrived and its looking like 100 degree days are the indefinite future.  We took an amazing trip for mothers day and have one planned for fathers day weekend as well! There will be a blog post about our camping trips soon.  The camper has given us so much as a family, and I seriously treasure the time we get to spend in it together.

Goal: Reducing plastic use:  I did a whole post about this and what we changed.  While we have made some big changes, I see us slipping a bit for the sake of convenience, and I would like to buckle down a little more.  I'd also like to find some other ways we can be nicer to the environment.  Oh! I just ordered wool dryer balls to replace dryer sheets! I'm probably way more excited than I need to be about them, but i'm hoping they work great.  (more suggestions welcome!)

Goal: Health and Fitness: Ehhh.  I set a few goals for myself this year and i've stuck with some of them.  I completed a huge run that was on my bucket list and it felt so great.  However, I hurt my knee a little while crushing that goal and so my running has taken a huge nosedive.  Getting back into yoga was another one of my goals for the year and while I've done it more, it hasn't been enough.  My new June goal is to do yoga at least twice a week, and also run twice a week.  Starting small so I don't set myself up for failure!

Goal: Minimalism:  We're getting there! This is one of those things that takes a lot of thought and effort, and lets be honest its not always the most fun.  I think a little of my enthusiasm for minimizing our things has subsided since my initial push and house purge.  But i'm slowly working my way back to find a groove.  Once you've purged your house of the easy stuff, it gets hard to keep going.  But our impending move is helping me get back on track.  Its also a mental game you have to play with yourself...more on this in a separate post soon.

There are a few other little goals, some I can easily track the progress and some I cannot.  I am constantly working on my marriage, my parenting, my relationships with family and friends, our finances, and planning for the future.  I have off days and weeks, but i'm proud of my overall progress and the changes we've made as a family.  Its also good to see what still needs work and where my energy needs to be focused.  What goals are you working on?