A Very Merry Half Birthday to Jackson!

Dear time, please slow down. My baby is 6 months old! 

  This last month has been a big one for Jack, right after turning 5 months he finally rolled over, then about two weeks ago he started solid food because I just couldn't keep it from him anymore, he learned to fall asleep on his own, and in the last week he has started sitting up on his own!  He's getting so big and becoming so independent, which is such a proud and sad thing for a mom to see.  Its so crazy to look back at the pictures of him from when he was first born and see how tiny he was.  I'm trying to just enjoy each moment as it comes, and not dwell on the past or future.  His first year is flying by and I don't want to miss out on anything.  

I didn't do this monthly pictures this morning, and part of me started feeling guilty that they will be a day late.  But then I thought about our day, and realized that no one will be able to tell the difference if I take the pictures tomorrow.  We went out to breakfast this morning at our favorite spot in Joshua Tree, two different people commented on how sweet and happy our baby was and asked how old he was, and I got to say, "6 months, today!" and then perfect strangers shared in the joy of this little milestone.  After breakfast we walked next door to the farmers market and we bought organic fruits and veggies for me to prep for Jackson tomorrow.  We spent some more time running errands, walmart and the verizon store (for my new iPhone 6!) then home to lounge in the pool and spend a normal evening with our little guy.  

Like at the end of most days since our prince made his arrival, i'm tired and could use a glass of wine and some chocolate.  I'm also so content with my lovely little family.  I'm proud of us for getting through a day of no schedule and horrible naps, and I know that tomorrow Jackson will look just perfect for his 6 month pictures.  I spent today being a normal mom, tomorrow i'll be a pinterest mom, and Jack will love me just the same, which is really all that matters. 

 Happy half birthday baby boy, Momma loves you so much.

I "sleep trained" my son and I'm still a good mom

Its no surprise that there is a wide range of "mom-guilt" that first time moms feel.  We put a lot of it on ourselves unnecessarily, but recently, especially with the rise of social media, we are made to feel bad or guilty by other moms.  With phrases like, "Attachment Parenting" or "cry-it-out", moms are made to feel that parenting is black and white, you are either good or bad.  The thing is, the world doesn't work this way, including in parenting.  There are a million different ways to raise a child, and most of the time the kid still turns out okay.  Every kid is different and every parent-child relationship is different, so really there is nothing to feel bad about if you aren't parenting your child the same way someone else is.

I made a lot of declarations before I became a mom, things I would or wouldn't do with my baby.  Things that would make me the greatest mom, or make my kid the most perfect.  I'm not even 6 months in and a lot of those declarations have gone to shit.  I said my baby would never watch TV, but when its an hour away from bed time and i'm trying to make dinner and absolutely nothing is making Jackson happy, baby videos it is.  I swore I would make a baby book and write down all his milestones to keep track and have this beautiful memory of his first year.  So far all i've got is a ton a pictures and videos on my cell phone.  So I don't have a scrap book page for the first time he smiled or rolled over, I was still there, I don't remember the date but I remember it happening and it was perfect, because it was my baby that did it.

I breastfeed my baby because its good for him, and me, and luckily I was able to.  Do I think other people should try breastfeeding? Sure.  Do I care if you give your kid formula, whatever the reason? Nope.  If you want to breastfeed your 3 year old all day in public, go for it.  Personally, i've set a flexible finish line at Jackson's first birthday at which point he will get weaned, and I will get my body back.  And if you have an opinion about that i'd ask you to kindly keep it to yourself.  Because its a decision that each mother gets to make depending on what is best for her and her child.

So now onto the topic of sleep training.  Honestly I was terrified to even say the words out loud for fear of being judged by other moms or women that aren't moms and just have strong opinions.  But we came home from vacation and my wonderful little baby started waking up 5 or 6 times a night, mostly just to use me as a pacifier.  I knew he wasn't actually hungry because he had been waking up just once a night to eat for almost 2 months and was doing great.  So I started losing a lot of sleep, and my patience got lost right along with it.  Not only was he waking up a ton at night, he was fighting me for naps.  I was starting to resent this beautiful little baby and I was becoming a mother I couldn't let myself be.  So I started researching.  I couldn't imagine letting my baby cry-it-out, it seemed cruel for both of us.  But because I didn't know enough about sleep-training a baby, I didn't realize that wasn't my only option.  I needed to find a way for Jack to continue sleeping in his own bed, sleep longer and be able to fall back to sleep without nursing.  So I found the book The Happy Sleeper and it gave me another option.  Mostly though it gave me an education about babies sleep abilities and support, which I hadn't realized I needed.  There is some crying involved, because you're changing the way your child is used to falling asleep, but there are no feelings of abandonment.  The first night was rough, but he only woke up 3 times, so there was progress.  Night two it only took him 10 minutes to fall asleep, he woke up once to eat, and then woke up in the morning, happy and well rested.  And I was well rested, and could be the mom I actually wanted to be.  So why did I still feel guilty?  When I talked to people about how we were sleep training our son, I would literally tense up for fear of being judged.  Which, when I think about it now is slightly insane.  This is what is working for our family, and it has literally made me and my baby happier, it has made me a better mom.  And I know that, so why does it matter what other people think?

Being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job, harder then I ever thought it would be.  Why are we making it harder on ourselves?  My new declaration is to stop comparing myself to other moms, to stop letting myself feel judged, and to judge less. My family is happy and healthy and I will continue to do what I think is best for us to keep us that way.  There's a Johnsons baby commercial that gets me every time, the one that says "you're doing okay mom". For me and for all the other first time moms navigating this scary world of parenting, you're doing great, mom.

Toes and Teeth and No Sleep

Jackson is 5 months old! I cannot believe how fast time is flying by.  I'm sure i've said it before(and will say it again), but this is my favorite age! Well parts of it anyway.  He is such a happy little boy! Smiling and laughing like crazy, recognizing people more and playing with everything.  He wants to grab absolutely everything, and then put it directly in his mouth, then throw it on the ground and start all over again.  He has discovered that his toes can go in his mouth as well, and he loves having his feet tickled.  He loves kisses, which is good because he gets about a million a day, and laughs like crazy when you give his belly raspberries. He holds on to our arms or shirts when we carry him around and he's starting to try and do little baby crunches to pull himself up to sit.  He "talks" constantly, always yelling and making noise.  we're going to be in trouble when he actually learns to speak. I don't know how its possible but i'm still falling more in love with my little guy every day.

The not so great parts about this 5 month milestone is that Jack is teething!  Its such a mystery to figure out what is going on in that little body of his and how to make him feel better.  But when he started chomping on fingers and crying like a dolphin, we figured it out!  Thank god for tylenol to get us through our sailing trip in the Caribbean! Also up next for us is sleep training.  After months of him only waking up once a night or not at all, he has started waking up 3 and 4 times a night.  He only wants to nurse to fall asleep and his napping is all messed up.  I don't blame him after traveling all over for 2 weeks and having his schedule all screwed up.  I've started researching sleep training methods, because i'm just not sure I can handle listening to him cry it out.  I know everyone has an opinion on how to get a baby to self-soothe, and i'm still working on mine.  We'll just have to see what works for us because we definitely both need more sleep!

I'm also spending the next few weeks reading up on making baby food! Next month we will talk to the doctor and then start on trying some different foods! I can't wait to see how Jackson will react to his first tastes of fruits and vegetables and i'm really excited to get to make them myself.  So its a month of learning and growing in the Blinn house and we are having a great time with (mostly) all of it!

Here comes Peter Cottontail

This is a year full of firsts for us as we experience the world as a family of three.  Jackson's first Easter was low key, but it was a beautiful day and we spent it as a family and with friends.  We started with brunch on the patio at what is becoming one of my favorite restaurants out here.  It's in Joshua Tree, the little hippie town, and its funky and the food is so good, plus they serve breakfast everyday until 2 which is like heaven for a brunch lover.  So after mimosas and wonderful breakfast burrito (with homemade, sausage, beans, and ranchero sauce yum!) we headed up into the park.

We have probably been into JT National Park about 15 times since we've moved here.  Mostly because there is nothing else to show visitors.  It has some nice hiking paths, and its free with our military passes, so its convenient as well.  And in some ways, its beautiful.  Its not exactly my choice of scenery, i'm much more of a water person than a desert/mountain person, but when god gives you lemons (or joshua trees in this case) you make the most of it.  We actually got some really cute family pictures out of the trip, and weather was perfect for a nice drive.

After our lovely drive we skyped with our families, which always makes us think about what our holidays will be like when we get out of the Marine Corps and move home.  Thankfully, while we are here we have some great people to share special days with.  So it was over to a friends house for a potluck Easter dinner, good food and great people are what holidays should be about.  I hope everyone had a very happy Easter!

ps. I made some killer mini cheesecakes that were super easy, recipe will be up shortly!

Perfect parent moments

Jackson is 14 weeks old, and I am loving this age! There are a million perfect sweet little moments that I never want to forget.  I these are the moments that make all the craziness worth it.  I'm sure lots of moms have had these moments, plus a ton of their own.  And if you aren't a mom yet, then you have some amazing things to look forward to!

Giggles!  Making Jackson laugh, and even better watching Mark and Jack laughing together.  Seriously the sweetest thing!  It's like watching them fall in love, and there is no better sight or sound in the world.  

In the morning, when Jack wakes up, I hear him babbling on the monitor, then I go into his room to get him and he smiles at me.  He stares at me and then a big slow smile spreads across his face and my day is off to a great start.  I swear with that little smile it's like he's saying "Oh hi mom! I'm so excited that you're here!"  Seriously the best first moment to wake up to.

Almost hugs.  I don't think he quite knows he's doing it, but when I pick him up and he grabs my arm and rests his head on my shoulder or burrows into my neck, its like he'd giving me the perfect little baby hug.  And it makes me melt!

As he gets bigger I know the times when he sleeps in my arms will decrease.  So even though I'm trying to teach him to fall asleep on his own and sleep in his bed so I can actually get things done, there are still times he falls asleep on me.  And I love it.  That moment where he totally relaxes, open mouth and snoring with his arm resting on my chest, I feel so special.  That this little boy is mine and he trusts me and loves me and feels the most comfortable when i'm holding him.  Such a wonderful feeling.

Watching him learn is one of the coolest experiences of being a parent.  Seeing him work on his hand-eye coordination, or recognize faces or objects, trying to learn to roll over and how proud he is when I help him and he ends up on his back or belly.  I am so honored to help form this little boys brain, and its so awesome to watch.

Breast feeding has been a great experience since he was born but especially now I find the enjoyment in it.  It can be a difficult road for mom and baby to learn about nursing and figuring out how to operate together.  Now we are mostly pros, we still have our shambly moments of course, but for the most part it is a great experience for both of us.  And when he calms down and is eating like a champ, he puts his little hand on my chest, grabs on or slides his fist in my shirt and it is such a sweet quiet little moment of connection that I am truly grateful for.

So those are my favorites for now, although I have a new perfect moment everyday.  Jackson is doing so great, learning and growing and becoming an amazing human.  Life is good in the Blinn house and next month we get to see our families and go on vacation! Here are some pictures of my favorite Jackson moments.

Mommies know best

I spent a lot of time researching items I thought I would need when I became a mom.  I looked at tons of sample registries, and most importantly I asked lots of moms.  Its so hard to know what you will actually need and use until you are a mom.  Even then, some of the things that worked for other families may not work for yours.  But I learned a few things, and thought I would share!

I registered at Babies R Us (BRU) and Walmart.  BRU because it has such a huge selection of baby items, and Walmart because it was closer to our house and you can get pretty much anything there.  So I'm gonna break it down by store, and then I'll talk about some products!

Babies R Us
Like I said, huge selection which is a great plus.  They are used to dealing with pregnant women, and have a sample registry list to look at, and they give you a gift bag when you register that has samples and coupons! You should definitely sign up for the rewards program, you get points for every dollar you spend (including gift cards) and then you get rewards dollars! They send the rewards to your email so you can use them in store or online.  They also have an "Endless Earnings" program.  Honestly I don't know how I got signed up for it and what the details are but about 2 months after Jackson was born I got an email with a gift card code for over $200! I think all moms seriously love free money to spend on their kids! The only complaint I have about BRU is that I have gotten several incorrect or damaged items in my shipments.  And when the closest store is 1 1/2 hours away thats a big deal!

Walmart
So Walmart is not my favorite store but we live in the middle of nowhere and that's what is close.  I would suggest registering at Walmart or Target or even Amazon, stores where you can get more than just baby stuff.  Getting gift cards to these kinds of places are fantastic because during a hectic, expensive time of your life its really nice to be able to buy or order whatever random item you need to make your life a little easier.

Things you should definitely register for!
-The Fisher Price Rock and Play Vibrating Napper.  Jackson loves it and so does mommy!  Its lightweight and easy to move, its super comfy for baby and convenient for mom.  Jackson is still sleeping in his, its great for babies with reflux because of the angled back that keeps their heads elevated.
-A play mat.  Which ever one you like!  It's a safe easy place to put your little one down where they can play and move around.  Ours plays music and has lights and things that hang down that Jack can kick and hit and look at.
- A Humidifier.  Especially if you live in a dry climate or have a winter baby.  It keeps their sinuses nice and moist at night so they don't get stuffy noses.
-A good stroller.  I love our jogging stroller, it has the bicycle type tires and it is so easy to push around. Unfortunately it is also pretty heavy and kind of a pain to get in and out of the car. (make sure you mess with it at the store first)
-Baby Carrier.  When you don't want to deal with the car seat and stroller or you just need your hands while you're holding your kid.  There are tons, we have the Bjorn, which honestly isn't my favorite.  I wish I had been able to actually try the different carriers with a kid before I bought one.

Things to skip
-Diaper Genie.  Its expensive, and big and you have to buy special bags to refill it and you have poop sitting around forever, and its only in one room.  We just use plastic grocery bags, we have a million of them, they hold enough diapers and you can tie them up to block the smell, and they are free! We hang them on a hook at the end of the changing station and take them out every day or so to make sure the nursery doesn't start to smell.
-Wipe Warmer.  This is just silly.  Your baby's bottom can handle a room temperature wipe.
-Fancy Bath Tub.  They are too big and bulky, and really you can tell if the water is too hot without a bath tub telling you it is.

Other Tips
Don't forget about you!  Which I pretty much did, until the last minute, and thank god for friends that had just had kids and knew what I needed!  Nursing pads (I like the reusable ones, they're softer) nipple cream, breast pump, storage bags, comfortable bras.

I'm sure there are a ton of other things I have an opinion about, but that is plenty for now!

Identity Crisis

It's been almost three months since we brought our little bundle of joy home and became a family of three.  I'm finally coming out of the fog of becoming a mom for the first time.  I can finally think of something other than feedings and diapers. I can finally start to be myself again, whoever that is.  Its so easy to kind of forget about yourself when you're pregnant, because everything is about the baby.  I have always believed that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. A philosophy I obviously followed while pregnant because taking care of myself was taking care of my baby.  But once that little one arrived, I definitely became somewhat of an afterthought.  So now its time to redirect and balance my focus.  And that ever controversial quest of "losing the baby weight" and "getting my body back" is at the forefront of this journey.

My goal is not to reach a certain number on a scale, I've never been one to weigh myself obsessively (although that changed during pregnancy).  Instead my goal is to be healthy, to be fit, to be strong and energetic, so that I can be the best mom for my little guy.  And if all being those things makes the number on the scale drop and make me look better in a bathing suit for our upcoming vacation, well then isn't that nice.  After being a second class citizen to myself I think I deserve the right to try and feel good about myself.

The other part of journey to the new me is learning how to be a mom without letting that become the only thing that defines me.  I'm still an individual, and a wife, and a friend, but how do I continue to be all of those things when mostly I just feel like a mom.  Moving to the desert and quitting my job was definitely an adjustment for me, and Jackson has definitely filled my days right back up.  Now i'm trying to figure out how to be a full time mom while still finding time for myself.  I struggle with being able to come out of "mommy mode" and be who I was before.  My sweet husband has been so wonderful and patient with me over the last few months.  He checks in to make my head is on straight, that i'm not sinking into an abyss of breast milk and tummy time, and he gives me a break when he can.  We are working on redefining our relationship as parents and a couple, because no matter what I thought before, having a child changes your marriage, in wonderful and strange and scary ways.  I'm also in a situation where I am making new friends, which happens with each new duty station and job and phase of life.  The hard part is, how do you get to know someone when you feel like you don't really know yourself?

I don't know if all new moms go through an identity crisis, but for me it has been the hardest part of becoming a parent so far.  I'm sure I will figure myself out eventually, i'm trying to turn this into a positive opportunity to reinvent myself into a better person.  But who knows what will actually happen.  For now, I'm pushing myself a little bit each day and seeing where that takes me.